Twenty-Seven and Clueless

I’m at a point in my life where I keep asking myself, “What do you want to do with your life?’. I’m trying to figure out who I am, what I like, and what I want to do.

Remember as you were growing up you had all of these hopes, dreams, and things you wanted to accomplish? Well as a child I thought I wanted to be a teacher, one who was friendly and really helped her students. I changed my mind once I got to middle school, children are bad. As a teenager my dream was to become a very successful singer who would be loved greatly by my fans. Then I decided to smoke cigarettes now my voice is not what it once was. As an adult in my earlier twenties I started school run my own daycare one day (following in the foot steps of my mother) but after I had my first child I only wanted to be with my baby. I went to school to be come a Medical Assistant. I just knew that that was my calling and I would retire from a hospital or doctors office. Sad to say it but that too has become a thing of my past.

Currently I’m not sure what I want to do with my life. I’m a wife and a mother and that seems to be all I know and I’m good at. I dream again to travel the world but I don’t have the money to do so. I’ve started and stopped a lot of different businesses or hobbies but I never stick to them long enough. I’ve tried to sing, act, go to school, teach yoga, promote health and wellness, sell clothing, be a blogger, write short stories, and a few other projects/crazy ideas. None of my projects ever stick and I always end back at square one. I end up back clueless searching for my purpose in life once more.

I want to do something with my life I can be not only proud of but something that will make me genuinely happy. I want to do something that allows me to live out my dream of traveling and seeing the world but what is that something?

Third Times the Charm

This time I want my child birth experience to be private and intimate. The first two times I felt so bombarded with family and friends trying more to see and interact with the baby less about my well being and letting me get some rest. I knew they meant well so I never voiced that I wanted more time to myself to be with my babies.


I really wanted to let the moment soak in and get adjusted. As the nurses came in to encourage skin to skin and help me latch the baby on to breast feed I desired those moments to be quite and peaceful. People showed up to hold, take pictures of the baby and some even brought small gifts. It was all nice but very overwhelming and I kinda wished it was different.

So now approaching child birth for the third time I really need all of what I didnt get in the process before. I have to go in for a c-section. Its a very high anxiety and nerve wrecking process for me to begin with. I just want to go in with my husband. I would like only my parents and the God-parents present until he gets here and we get adjusted. Then the rest of the kids will come to greet their baby brother. That’s it!

I don’t want any visitors. I don’t want to be overwhelmed. I dont want pictures taken unless it me or my husband taken them. I dont want anyone in my face. I dont want to share my first moments this time. I just want what my husband and I want, and not feeling pressured to include everyone else in our moment.


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Is it too much to ask that people dont take it personal and get upset that we didn’t include them? I’ve been told “well it’s your baby, you’ll get all the time with the baby when you go home, and that’s selfish”.

Selfish!? Shouldn’t the child birthing experience be one desired by the parent/parents? What do you all think about my well needed desires? Any of you experience similar wants or problems as such during childbirth??

I’m an independent women

I’m not use to not having to hustle.
I’m not use to not having to do it all.

I’ve been an independent women every since I’ve been seventeen years old. Though yes I’ve had times I had to stick a hand out or ask for a favor I have always had to look out for me. I went from living with my grandmother to staying with friends, to staying with my stepmom to getting my very own apartment all by nineteen. I had my first daughter at that age and I’ve felt the need to be a go-getter/hustler every since.



I was a single mother. Who else was going to take care of me and my little girl if I didnt. I worked so many jobs I think I missed out on moments but we had to survive. If you didnt know me you wouldnt think I was going home to a kid every night the way I worked to provide for her.


By twenty-four I had my second daughter, still having to be a single mother, but I was better established kinda. I only worked one job so I had more of a routine to be a little bit more present the second time around. I’m not going to act like I didnt struggle though.


After having my second daughter I lost my position at work and wasnt able to go right back to work after my leave and it left me devastated and depressed. Still I pushed forward and they were able to place me after a two month wait and a eviction notice.

Current day I’m twenty-seven and my are things different. I have a wonderful husband, whom I’ve been with three years. I’m currently pregnant with my third child (first son). I’m not working, kinda by choice. Also kinda because my husband agreed for me to quit my last job, kinda so I could go back to school and plus it’s a little hard to get a job to accept you months before your due. Either way it’s been driving me nuts.

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Starting Chapter 27 in my life.

The cake I bought to cheer myself up.

A few days ago I celebrated my twenty seventh birthday. Believe it or not I didnt wake up the happiest about it though. Yes, I’m thankful that I woke up that day, in good health, and alive to enjoy my family another day. The thing is I’ve been stressed a lot lately.

Our bills at home are behind, I’m going through ups and downs raising my children, I’m currently pregnant (so very emotional), I’m struggling in school and I work but not as much so money is an issue. I cant forget to mention that my husband works from sun up until sun down trying his best to support us, which means I miss him greatly. Work though had been on edge for him though. He was working full time has a cook at a restaurant. He ending up picking up a second job to increase his experience and make more money but three months in, because we were unable to obtain his GED, they let him go. For weeks he was only working twenty hours a week at the restaurant and the pay is very little, so our bills suffered. He recently picked up another full time job cooking at another restaurant so he’s back to two jobs but now we are playing catch up.

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