My name is BiancaSimone. I'm currently on a mental journey of finding myself. I hold many titles but I still wonder who I am. I've been a mother for almost nine years and a wife for one. I have dedicated my life to my husband, my children, my work and my family and friends. I know their favorite colors, favorite music and places to eat. I know their movies of choice, what makes them happy and if they like to sing or not. I can't say that I focus on those things more and less about myself. So my current hobby is I'm LearningtobeBianca.
I have officially made it to 5 months breastfeeding my third child. My first baby I quit after 4 weeks and the second I quit after about 16 weeks. With this being my last go around I wanted to giving breastfeeding a real chance. I believe in the benefits breastfeeding has to offer my little one. The bond I have with my baby boy is amazing! The only thing is breastfeeding and pumping is very time consuming and I’m a busy mom.
The truth is sometimes I want to give in because it can be so overwhelming. I truly enjoying breastfeeding but it’s hard trying to work 40+ hours a week, maintain my household, complete chores and find time to pump. I want to switch to bottle feeding the baby (especially at night) but I’m too lazy to pump as often as I should. Pumping is so exhausting! I feel like the pump sucks up all of my energy leaving me drowsy and ready for a nap. At times pumping can be so discouraging. I wish I could fill up 8 oz bottles every time I go to pump so I can store enough to bottle fed. Unfortunately, I don’t and it gets to me at times. Every month that I’ve managed to continue breastfeeding I do celebrate myself. I know that I’m making a selfless decision by giving my baby the best option. Plus I don’t have to worry myself about the cost of formula.
I’m enjoying our breastfeeding journey and I’d love to breastfeed until he’s two. This has not been easy though. Breastfeeding is hard work! I’d love to hear from other moms. Am I the only one that feels like this? Please, feel free share your journeys with me.
“Breastfeeding is a mother’s gift to herself, her baby and the earth”.
I’m at a point in my life where I keep asking myself, “What do you want to do with your life?’. I’m trying to figure out who I am, what I like, and what I want to do.
Remember as you were growing up you had all of these hopes, dreams, and things you wanted to accomplish? Well as a child I thought I wanted to be a teacher, one who was friendly and really helped her students. I changed my mind once I got to middle school, children are bad. As a teenager my dream was to become a very successful singer who would be loved greatly by my fans. Then I decided to smoke cigarettes now my voice is not what it once was. As an adult in my earlier twenties I started school run my own daycare one day (following in the foot steps of my mother) but after I had my first child I only wanted to be with my baby. I went to school to be come a Medical Assistant. I just knew that that was my calling and I would retire from a hospital or doctors office. Sad to say it but that too has become a thing of my past.
Currently I’m not sure what I want to do with my life. I’m a wife and a mother and that seems to be all I know and I’m good at. I dream again to travel the world but I don’t have the money to do so. I’ve started and stopped a lot of different businesses or hobbies but I never stick to them long enough. I’ve tried to sing, act, go to school, teach yoga, promote health and wellness, sell clothing, be a blogger, write short stories, and a few other projects/crazy ideas. None of my projects ever stick and I always end back at square one. I end up back clueless searching for my purpose in life once more.
I want to do something with my life I can be not only proud of but something that will make me genuinely happy. I want to do something that allows me to live out my dream of traveling and seeing the world but what is that something?
This time I want my child birth experience to be private and intimate. The first two times I felt so bombarded with family and friends trying more to see and interact with the baby less about my well being and letting me get some rest. I knew they meant well so I never voiced that I wanted more time to myself to be with my babies.
I really wanted to let the moment soak in and get adjusted. As the nurses came in to encourage skin to skin and help me latch the baby on to breast feed I desired those moments to be quite and peaceful. People showed up to hold, take pictures of the baby and some even brought small gifts. It was all nice but very overwhelming and I kinda wished it was different.
So now approaching child birth for the third time I really need all of what I didnt get in the process before. I have to go in for a c-section. Its a very high anxiety and nerve wrecking process for me to begin with. I just want to go in with my husband. I would like only my parents and the God-parents present until he gets here and we get adjusted. Then the rest of the kids will come to greet their baby brother. That’s it!
I don’t want any visitors. I don’t want to be overwhelmed. I dont want pictures taken unless it me or my husband taken them. I dont want anyone in my face. I dont want to share my first moments this time. I just want what my husband and I want, and not feeling pressured to include everyone else in our moment.
Is it too much to ask that people dont take it personal and get upset that we didn’t include them? I’ve been told “well it’s your baby, you’ll get all the time with the baby when you go home, and that’s selfish”.
Selfish!? Shouldn’t the child birthing experience be one desired by the parent/parents? What do you all think about my well needed desires? Any of you experience similar wants or problems as such during childbirth??
I’m not use to not having to hustle. I’m not use to not having to do it all.
I’ve been an independent women every since I’ve been seventeen years old. Though yes I’ve had times I had to stick a hand out or ask for a favor I have always had to look out for me. I went from living with my grandmother to staying with friends, to staying with my stepmom to getting my very own apartment all by nineteen. I had my first daughter at that age and I’ve felt the need to be a go-getter/hustler every since.
I was a single mother. Who else was going to take care of me and my little girl if I didnt. I worked so many jobs I think I missed out on moments but we had to survive. If you didnt know me you wouldnt think I was going home to a kid every night the way I worked to provide for her.
By twenty-four I had my second daughter, still having to be a single mother, but I was better established kinda. I only worked one job so I had more of a routine to be a little bit more present the second time around. I’m not going to act like I didnt struggle though.
After having my second daughter I lost my position at work and wasnt able to go right back to work after my leave and it left me devastated and depressed. Still I pushed forward and they were able to place me after a two month wait and a eviction notice.
Current day I’m twenty-seven and my are things different. I have a wonderful husband, whom I’ve been with three years. I’m currently pregnant with my third child (first son). I’m not working, kinda by choice. Also kinda because my husband agreed for me to quit my last job, kinda so I could go back to school and plus it’s a little hard to get a job to accept you months before your due. Either way it’s been driving me nuts.
Seriously. How can I manage everything and find time to do something I love? I’m too busy. I have about four more loads of clothes to wash four or five to fold, dishes need to be done, my bathroom needs attention, I have homework for three different classes, I need to remember that my oldest has parent/teacher conferences tomorrow and not miss it, I need to call and set an arrangement for my car note , and my room definitely needs me to finish cleaning it.
I also gotta try and squeeze in some alone time in with my husband this weekend, gotta spend some solid time with the girls giving them my love and all my kisses, almost forgot, have to grocery shop on Saturday, oh and I took this part time job at a school (which I started today and I’m very sick so it was terrible), and I’m working all day tomorrow (Friday) so please pray my strength in the Lord.
I need to find time to rest, I really need to take down my daughters hair like today she has picture day Monday, I need to take this cornish hen out the freezer if I plan on having it for dinner Saturday and I need to sit down with hubby and go over our budget the next two weeks.
I just remembered I have to make my youngest and myself a appointment to see the dentist soon. Her school states its mandatory for her to continue attending head start so I better get on that asap. I need an assistant. Reminders set in my phone, notes on a calendar, or relying on my brain is just not enough. So where do I find time to hobby right now? I’m laying in bed throwing this together and getting sleeper by the minute. My womb baby is kicking or flipping up a storm and I need him to tone it down a notch.
How do you all do it? Im exhausted just writing about it. Not to mention I didn’t mention anything about managing my social life. Do any of you feel overwhelmed with life Duties right now? What are you doing to manage? I’d love to hear from you. Tips are appreciated.
My sister in law and I are besties. I see her probably about four to five times a week. I visit with her family (my brother and their three children) at there house on the regular. Lets just say, I’m there so much I almost live there.
When ever I go with me are always my two little ones. Many of the afternoons we visit we don’t leave until bed time. We are there right after the kids get out of school, through dinner time, until they start shutting their house down and I’m to tired really to drive home. Most days I feel guilty of staying because I know they dont have it like that and we are always adding three mouths to their dinner plans. Now I will ask if I can help buy a part of dinner sometimes but not always.
Other times I feel guilty of staying because my brother will make comments like “you should spend time with yourself sometimes” or “alright see you next week”. Tonight he told me,”I’m really just trying to get a good routine down with my kids without anything extra” after I said my goodbyes and joked about how he probably doesn’t wanna see my face for a few days. It’s me, I’m the extra he speaks of. This sounded like to me okay its Monday, I dont wanna see you again for at least five to seven days.
My sister and I are close though. We talk about everything. She is my married friend, my sister in Chirst, and my to go to person. I guess you can call me clingy. Tonight on my drive home I thought to myself, maybe I won’t go back until next week. I thought, maybe I will just call her, maybe I will visit only for an hour every two days or so and leave, or maybe I should just go once a week on like a Saturday or Sunday and just know when it’s my time to go.
It saddens me though. Even still I cant be upset because my brother wants to be at home with just his wife and kids. I know if I just stay away she will call and ask me why. I just feel like suddenly pushing her away though. My husband works nights and when I come home it’s just me and the kids. I’m not saying I don’t like spending time with the kids but I also crave adult interaction. Is my brother right, do I not like to be alone?
During the week, I must confess, I sit at there house even when they are not home. Sometimes my sister comes home on her break from work and I wait just to chat with her for a bit. Why is it that I don’t I go back to my own house? I could be doing my homework, washing clothes, sweeping and mopping floors, organizing my things, sitting out the kids clothing for the following day, or just enjoying my own company in the comfort of my home. There’s a million things I could be doing but instead I sit at their house all day everyday darn near.
Dinners are not being made at home, the kids aren’t doing their chores, and we don’t have a routine at home they we can stick to. Shouldn’t I be concerned of my evening routine with my children as well? Clearly I need to prioritize my weeks better and spend way less time and my families house. Maybe I can learn to love alone time and being in my own space.
There are times when my brother will pull his wife to the side “to talk” and I instantly think it’s about me. She has confessed to me before that he has questioned her about me being there so much. I immediately feel awkward when he pulls her to their room, garage or outside to talk. I’m sure evertime it’s not about me but I’m positive I come up.
Have you ever had something like this happen to you? How does it make you feel? What would you do in this situation? Let me know below, I’d love to hear from you all. MUCH LOVE
It shouldn’t be too hard now for my children to remember our morning routine, right? I mean my oldest, Celina, will be eight in December. Am I applying to my pressure by assuming that since its her third year in elementary school that she should remember that her face needs to be washed, teeth must be brushed, put on some socks or stockings, shoes should come after with ease, please grab your bookbag, it’s getting cold you need a coat and I know you can’t see (like myself we are blind as bats) get those glasses on your face.
Every morning is a battle with these two. My youngest, Christina, is only three but some days it’s her listening skills that get her in trouble. I’ll ask her to take her pj’s off, which she can, to make it easier for me to come in and get her dressed. I come back a few minutes later and guess who still has on her pj’s? Once I finally get her dressed I tell her socks, shoes, coat. Can you believe she takes her sweet time or she has on her shoes but now she’s walking around dragging the coat behind her. Little girl, “put on that coat now”. I’m starting to think they like to make me fuss.
Let’s not forget the girl fights! “Mom”. “Mommy”.“Stop it, why did you do that”. “Mommy nina hit me”. “She took the phone from me, I had it first”. “Ma”. “Mommy”. “MOMMY”. “MOMMY”. Humor me, am I allowed to change my name from Mom to something else? No, just thought I’d ask. Sometimes I just don’t answer, but believe me they only get louder. Then I have to turn into super annoyed, my headache is starting to form, you both are getting on my very last nerve, and if you call my name one more time I’m getting the belt mom.
Before anyone shames me for saying “I’m getting the belt” in the Bible ( I used the NLT for better translation) Proverbs 23:13-14 states, Don’t fail to discipline your children. The rod of punishment won’t kill them. Physical discipline may well save them from death.
So, do any of you have some crazy things your kids do to make you want wine for breakfast? Please comment, leave me your thoughts, any suggestions you have to help fix my morning routine and as always I look forward to hearing from you all!! MUCH LOVE
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A few days ago I celebrated my twenty seventh birthday. Believe it or not I didnt wake up the happiest about it though. Yes, I’m thankful that I woke up that day, in good health, and alive to enjoy my family another day. The thing is I’ve been stressed a lot lately.
Our bills at home are behind, I’m going through ups and downs raising my children, I’m currently pregnant (so very emotional), I’m struggling in school and I work but not as much so money is an issue. I cant forget to mention that my husband works from sun up until sun down trying his best to support us, which means I miss him greatly. Work though had been on edge for him though. He was working full time has a cook at a restaurant. He ending up picking up a second job to increase his experience and make more money but three months in, because we were unable to obtain his GED, they let him go. For weeks he was only working twenty hours a week at the restaurant and the pay is very little, so our bills suffered. He recently picked up another full time job cooking at another restaurant so he’s back to two jobs but now we are playing catch up.